What does life have in store for me?
That’s a question I’ve been asking myself over the last few months and to be honest, I’ve not been able to find the answer as of yet!
I have no idea what my purpose is, why I’m here or what my calling is!
And you know what?
That’s some pretty scary sh** to know!
It’s amazing how some people are born to be leaders, amazing athletes, or great entrepreneurs!
Yet for the majority of us, we live boring, mediocre lives, working jobs we hate where we’re confined by either 4 walls, or stuck working out in the environments digging ditches or other sh** jobs where what we do is frowned upon!
Why?
I’d don’t know!
I’m pretty sure that no one is born to be a great ditch digger when they grow up, nor do they grow up aspiring to become great ditch diggers...they just sorta fall into it that type of work for one reason or another!
I work a pathetic job that I can’t stand and wake up everyday just hating the the thought of going to work! It’s so bad that I often wonder if I’d be happier just being homeless!
However, the realization that I have a fiance sort makes that thought a little hard to swallow because that would mean walking away from her and after what she’s been through in her own life, when the two of us first met, we just knew we were right for each other!
However, my inability as a man to take care of her has seriously been lacking since we moved last September and I can see what it’s causing in our relationship!
We hardly talk to each other. She spends her days in gulfed in her scrapbooking or wearing her headphones, listening to her audio books, or just laying in the bedroom watching movies. As for me, I spend most of my time on Youtube, trying to find my epiphany for being able to start an online business, or spending my time in online marketing related web forums, such as WarriorForum.com, Blackhatworld.com and the like!
It sucks hearing about how others who are in similar life situations such as mine, finding their success online while I sit over here everyday slowly going insane by doing the same useless, non-productive sh** day in and day out!
Then again, it’s hard to really do any type of online marketing when you have NO MONEY and the realization of said fact makes it hard to stay consistently motivated day in and day out!
I’ve tried to stay positive but after picking up a part-time job at a low-end burger joint, I realized that taking that job, just so I can say “I have a job”, has been one of the biggest decisions I’ve made in life, simply for the fact that other job interviews have come and gone that would have been more fun to work at and I’m sure would have paid even more!
But I couldn’t take the chance on taking a day off after just getting hired to go on an interview for a job I ‘might get’, as I’ve needed the money too bad!
Of course, if I knew I’d be where I’m at now after taking this job, I’d not have taken the job in the 1st place and would just rolled the dice on hopefully finding another job soon after!
What’s the old saying...”Hindsight is 20/20!”
Yeah...screw hindsight! LOL!
Seems that the last DECADE has not been good to me for one reason or another!
First, my “ex” has an affair with a younger guy and we eventually get a divorce. She then has two kids with this dude, which sucks in itself because I’ve wanted kids since I was a young kid, but never had any of my own!
Then, less than a year later, the ONE JOB I really enjoyed and paid great...laid me off!
I then spent about the next 3 years either working for a few months or just out-right unemployed!
Even in the past three (3) years, I’ve gone through 3 different jobs...from dish-washer to part-time janitor to cashier at a gas station in a small town!
Since quitting that gas station job and moving with my fiance’....I’m now on my 3rd job in 9 months!
Job 1 ~ Wasn’t really the type of ‘customer service’ job I was looking for!
Job 2 ~ Provided lack-luster ‘training’ for their ‘reps’ and after about 3 weeks taking live calls and trying to navigate their CRM tool, making a complete fool of myself, I walked out, never having been that frustrated at not being properly trained at any job!
Job 3 ~ Fast food joint..the lowest of the low I’m sure...where I’m not even working enough hours to cover the cost of my gas to get to that job 30 miles away! The fact that I’m commuting 30 miles for a part-time job that pays minimum wage is appalling, but as the old saying goes, beggars can’t be choosy!
That being said, if I knew the amount of hours I’d find myself working, I’d have NOT taken that job in the 1st place and I’m damn sure I would have landed a better job shortly after, seeing as I had 2 other job interviews lined up in the same city where I live now!
I hate ‘hindsight’...LOL!
But I digress and try to keep moving forward, though keeping a positive outlook on life is getting harder and harder with each passing day!
Why wasn’t I born with a silver spoon in my life? :-) LOL!
At this point in my life, I have no idea what life has in store for me and I’ll be the 1st one to say I’m scared as hell at what the future holds for me!
God..if you’re listening, please give me the strength I need to do what is needed so that I can take care of my fiance and show her beyond any shadow of doubt that I am the best thing to ever enter her life...and forgive me for my sins, which I know there are many of!
You are my lord and savior and without you in my life, I’m sure I’d not be here now writing this blog entry!
